Joke Thread

[mtarrani]

 

[amosguy]

 

[swarfrat]

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault; today is my very first day driving a cab, I've been driving a Hearse for 25 years"

I know this is a joke. But some time in the 80's, the story goes that someone actually pulled a prank along these lines on a local pilot. Told him he was to fly a body some place, only the 'body' under the sheet was just pretending.

 

[Squirrel Man]

I remember doing stuff like this when I was a kid.

...ok, still do.

 

[bassanddrum84]

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a bassist?
The vacuum cleaner has to be plugged in to suck.

 

[amosguy]

I hate solid body guitars. WHERE'S MY CHEESE?

 

[CSR]

For us older DFO’ers:

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.
At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs."
"You're on."
At age 42, they meet and play golf again
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."
At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."
At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"
At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."
At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."
“Okay, let’s give it a try."

 

[BennyK]

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a bassist?
The vacuum cleaner has to be plugged in to suck.

Difference between a cello and a coffin ? A coffin has the corpse inside .

Difference between bagpipes and an onion ? Nobody cries when you slice the bagpipes .