Joke Thread

larrydrums

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my two favs:

Q: Why don't bass players play hide-and-seek?

A: Because no one goes looking for them.


Accordion player puts his accordion on the back seat and stops at a gas station to pee on his way to a gig.

Returns to his car, finds rear window smashed, and two accordions on the seat.
 

Squirrel Man

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my two favs:

Q: Why don't bass players play hide-and-seek?

A: Because no one goes looking for them.


Accordion player puts his accordion on the back seat and stops at a gas station to pee on his way to a gig.

Returns to his car, finds rear window smashed, and two accordions on the seat.
1618326679898.png
 

Splat

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A dentist' favorite time of the day?

Tooth-hurty!
 

kdgrissom

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From my first real gig with Milton Berle. I was 18, playing the percussion book for his show and he referred to me as "kid".

Two women are sharing a hospital room while each is waiting to give birth to their third child.
One is a wealthy, Boston Brahmin woman with diamond rings on her fingers, the other is a poor, working-class Italian woman from the North end.

The Bostonian woman tries to engage the other in conversation and starts by saying "You know, Theodore, my Husband, he is such a dear, on the birth of our first child, he presented me with a full length mink stole.
The poor, Italian immigrant woman slowly looks at her, smiles and says, "Dats a nice" and says nothing more.

The Bostonian, still trying to start conversation then says, "Theodore always loves to surprise me, and after the birth of our second child, He bought me my very own Rolls Royce!" The Italian woman turns, smiles and says again, "Dats a nice" and goes silent.

The wealthy woman finally says, "My dear Husband has just told me that in honor of the birth of our third child, we will be going on a European holiday for 6 months, embarking on the Queen Mary Liner". The Poor woman slowly looks at her and simply says "Dats a nice" again.

Clearly frustrated, the Brahmin woman asks, "Please tell me about what your dear husband has done for you".
The working-class Italian woman says to her, "My Husband is a very sweet man, He sent me to Etiquette school.

Horrified, The wealthy woman says "Oh my dear, how horrid of him!"
The poor woman turned and says "No, no. You donna understand. Before, I use to say, Go-to-Hell-you-Son-of-B***h!"
"Now I just say, Dats a nice".
 
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Squirrel Man

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Did you hear the one about the nosey hot pepper?

He got jalapeno business.

shutting up now..
 

GeneZ

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Back in the 60's during an early USA tour Led Zep flew into a small Midwest town. . To his shock.. John Bonham discovered his drums were lost in transit. He was forced at the last minute to rent a kit from a small local shop.

All the owner in that store had to rent out was a set of Kent drums.
Problem was... Kent drums were just "ok." Bonham never heard of them.

Aware of the slip up by the airline.. after the concert, a writer from Modern Drummer stopped people coming out of the concert to get some feedback. He asked how Bonham sounded that night.

He expected to hear possible bad news because Kent was not up to the standards of his big set.... After interviewing lot's of happy people exiting the concert hall he kept hearing the same response, over and over again.

"How did Bonzo sound on those Kent drums tonight? "Bonzo sounded super man! "

(I'm keeping my day job)
 
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amosguy

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A daddy shark was teaching a baby shark how to eat people.

You see son, it's like this.

First you swim at them full speed, gnashing your teeth, but then at the last moment turn and swim away.

Do this three times, then on the fourth pass go ahead and eat them.

But Dad, why don't we just eat them on the first pass?

Because son, they taste better after you clean the mess out of them.
 


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