Joke Thread

Iristone

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-Why did Ludwig cease making mahogany drums?
-Because they were (in the) red.

Ludwig, Premier, Rogers, and Slingerland went boating together. Suddenly the boat was sinking, and someone needed to get out.
'For our music!' Rogers shouted as he jumped out of the boat.
'For our drummers!' Slingerland shouted as he jumped out of the boat.
'For our rock and roll!' Ludwig shouted as he threw Premier out of the boat.

-What's the difference between a 60's Ludwig and a 60's Gretsch drum?
-3-ply 'select hardwood' vs 6-ply 'select hardwood'.

-Which brand of drumheads do the Russians use?
-Evans (Ivans).

-One Two Three Cat and Un Deux Trois cat went on a swimming contest. Who won?
-One Two Three Cat.
-Why?
-Because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq.
 

blueshadow

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Heard this one the other day my apologies to the fine folks in Oklahoma.
What's something you'd never hear someone say in Oklahoma? "Check Mate" could be used with what ever state you want including Texas I suppose lol
 

shuffle

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Two scientists create life!
They receive accolades from around the world!
The senior scientist tells the junior scientist: you have to tell God we dont need him anymore!
DING!
Hi guys,heard you can create life,that impressive,really!
Would you please create some life for me?!
Startled,the scientists agree and begin to gather up a pile of dirt!
Whoa! Whoa! Guys!...



Get your own dirt!
 

shuffle

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Two little boys sitting on the curb playing in the dirt.
A little girl walks by,they both see her.
One says: Her neck dirty!
The other replies: Her do?!
 

shuffle

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Double blonde joke:
A Blonde and her husband slept til the phone rang at 2 am.
She answers ,yells after listening: how the hell do i know,its 200 miles away!,slams down the phone ( old school here!) And the husband wakes up asking: Who was that?!?
His wife replied: It was some dumb blonde asking if the coast was clear!!!

Records and 8 tracks are for sale in the lobby!
 

JazzDrumGuy

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What do an Oklahoma tornado and an Arkansas divorce have in common? Either way, someone's gonna lose a trailer......

I'm an @$$hole sorry...here's picking on my own kind:

Two lawyers are walking down the street and see an attractive female. One turns to the other and says, "Boy, I'd like to screw her."
The other says, "Out of what?"
 

Barden

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Three moles are tunneling along in search of food. The first mole pops up right near a picnic blanket! He shouts, "I smell cherry pie!". The second mole exclaims "I smell ham!". The third mole says, "All I smell is MoleAsses!"
 

rhythmace

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musicman64 said:
Go figure...
3 guys go into a hotel, ask the desk clerk how much for a room. $30 dollars he says. They each take out a $10, and give it to him. They get keys and go to their room. About 10 minutes later a knock on the door. It's the bellboy and he say's " The clerk overcharged you, the room is really only $25. He hands them $5. They each take $1, and tip the bellboy $2. A while later one of the guys says" we got ripped off" . How ? the other two ask. Listen he says....we each paid $10...right...so we got a dollar back, so thats $9...so 3 times $9 is $27...and we gave the bellboy $2, thats $29...so where's the other dollar ??
I got it. When they got $5.00 back, they each had paid 8 and 1/3 dollars. They each kept a dollar of the 5, which means they each paid 9 and 1/3 dollars, not 9. Ace
 

rayboomboom

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rhythmace said:
Go figure...
3 guys go into a hotel, ask the desk clerk how much for a room. $30 dollars he says. They each take out a $10, and give it to him. They get keys and go to their room. About 10 minutes later a knock on the door. It's the bellboy and he say's " The clerk overcharged you, the room is really only $25. He hands them $5. They each take $1, and tip the bellboy $2. A while later one of the guys says" we got ripped off" . How ? the other two ask. Listen he says....we each paid $10...right...so we got a dollar back, so thats $9...so 3 times $9 is $27...and we gave the bellboy $2, thats $29...so where's the other dollar ??
I got it. When they got $5.00 back, they each had paid 8 and 1/3 dollars. They each kept a dollar of the 5, which means they each paid 9 and 1/3 dollars, not 9. Ace
Thankfully one of us remembered to take their Ritalin today. :headbang:
I couldn't figure it out. :unsure:
 

dangermoney

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After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City, New York archaeologists found traces of copper cable dating back 150 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet just outside Oceanside, California. Shortly thereafter, a story appeared in the LA Times that read: "California archaeologists report the finding of a 200 year old copper cable and have concluded that their ancestors had an advanced high-tech communication network 50 years earlier than the New Yorkers."

One week later, a newspaper in Louisiana reported the following: "After digging down about 30 feet in his pasture outside Thibodaux, Louisiana, Boudreaux, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Boudreaux therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Louisiana had already gone wireless."
 

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