Joke Thread

utdrummer

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So, a guy buys a robot that slaps people when they lie. he takes it home and rolls it out at dinner. The wife and his son have no idea...
Dad...son, what did you do today?
Son...I did some school work...robot slaps son.
Dad...no, what did you really do?
Son...i watched Star Wars with some friends...robot slaps son.
Dad...no, now what did you really watch?
Son...we watched porn.
Dad...porn?!? i didn't even know what porn was at your age!...robot slaps dad.
Wife...well, that's your son!...robot slaps wife.
 

kdgrissom

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The Big City Ballet comes to town to perform "Swan Lake". Just before the performance the percussionist gets violently ill and the local Vaudeville drummer gets the call to fill-in. After the first act the Conductor is is furious and tells the Personnel Manager to fire the Drummer. When he explains the Conductor's demands, the Drummer exclaims "What? But I caught EVERYTHING!!"

Q: How do you get a Guitarist to turn down? A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.

Q: How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door? A: It slows down.
 
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GeneZ

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The Big City Ballet come to town to perform "Swan Lake". Just before the performance the percussionist gets violently ill and the local Vaudeville drummer gets the call to fill-in. After the first act the Conductor is is furious and tells the Personnel Manager to fire the Drummer. When he explains the Conductor's demands, the Drummer exclaims "What? But I caught EVERYTHING!!"
Many here may not catch that one! You mean that a Vaudevillian drummer was supposed to accent the movements of dancer with sound effects and bumps and grinds?


 

tdcrjeff

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A drummer and a guitarist had an argument about which of their instruments is the more difficult to play so they agree to go away and try each other’s instrument for a month. The guitarist buys a set of drums and starts practicing. The drummer goes into a shop and tells the man behind the counter that he wants to buy a guitar. “You’re a drummer aren’t you?” The man behind the counter says. “How did you know that?” The drummer replies. “This is McDonalds” says the man.
 

latzanimal

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Go figure...
3 guys go into a hotel, ask the desk clerk how much for a room. $30 dollars he says. They each take out a $10, and give it to him. They get keys and go to their room. About 10 minutes later a knock on the door. It's the bellboy and he say's " The clerk overcharged you, the room is really only $25. He hands them $5. They each take $1, and tip the bellboy $2. A while later one of the guys says" we got ripped off" . How ? the other two ask. Listen he says....we each paid $10...right...so we got a dollar back, so thats $9...so 3 times $9 is $27...and we gave the bellboy $2, thats $29...so where's the other dollar ??
You must be in accounting...
 

dtk

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A moth flies into a Podiatrist's office. The Doctor says what's the problem...

The moth starts "my job isn't fulfilling, my wife won't make love to me, my children are failures, my parents favor my sister, I'm worried about the direction of this country and I can't seem to lose my excess weight"

The Podiatrist says "well those are all serious problems...but I'm a Podiatrist. Do you have any problems a Podiatrist can help you with ?"

The moth says "no"

"well then why are you here tonight?" The Podiatrist asks.

"the light was on" the Moth replies.
 

Burps

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Buddy Rich died and went to heaven. Eventually another drummer died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates the drummer who just passed away heard this phenomenal drum solo in the distance. He asked Peter, "Is that Buddy Rich playing those drums I hear?" Peter said "No! That's God! He only thinks He's Buddy Rich!"
 

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