Joke Thread

Philly James

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I recently said to my wife, “You are the only woman that I ever slept with.” She said, “No way!” I said, “Yep, all the other ones kept me up all night.”
 

Philly James

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I checked in to a redneck hotel in Alabama. I got to my room, and I immediately saw there was a problem. I called down to the front desk, and I said, “I gotta leak in my sink.” The girl at the front desk said, “ Well, go ahead.”
 

robthetimekeeper

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A Man Wakes Up One Morning To Find A Gorilla On His Roof...
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be there in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a huge, ferocious looking dog.
"What are you going to do?", the homeowner asks.
"I'm going to put up this ladder against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with the bat. When the gorilla hits the ground, the dog is trained to bite the gorilla's testicles and hold on. The gorilla will be subdued enough for me to lock him in the cage in the back of the van.", says the gorilla remover and hands him the shotgun.
"What's the shotgun for?", asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog."
 

utdrummer

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An old couple were sitting in church when the wife told her husband, "I just cut a silent fart! What should I do?' The husband looked at her and said "you should change your hearing aid batteries".
 

fishaa

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What do you call a dog that’s a magician?

A Labracadabrador
 

Elvis

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In honour of the 50th anniversary of the Woodstock Festival in Bethel NY....

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Elvis

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THE HISTORY OF MATH IN AMERICA...


Last week I purchased a burger for $2.58. The counter girl took my $3 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950's:

1. Teaching Math In 1950's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1960's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980's
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990's
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's okay.)

6. Teaching Math In 2000's
If you have special needs or just feel you need assistance because of race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, age, childhood memories, criminal background, then don't answer and the correct answer will be provided for you. There are no wrong answers.

7. Teaching Math In 2019
Un hachero vende una carrtada de maderapara 100 pesos. El costo de la producciones es 80 pesos. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
 


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