O.T. Where’s Dumpy?


Possibly DFO's Worst Drummer
Gold Supporting Member
Apr 10, 2006
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Renton WA
I’m messing about “nothing”.

Like I said, there are all the little annoyances, but they had to change my diaper when I was a kid. It all evens out in the end!
I miss those little annoyances. Picking up my dad from dialysis and then driving 45 minutes to take him home.
After convincing my parents to move closer my father only lasted about 3 more years.
After that I would drive my mom to the store every day because she couldn’t seem to take stock of what she might need for a week.
So yes it can even out in the end.


DFO Master
Feb 25, 2015
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Hang in there, brother. There are seasons where we laugh and seasons where we cry. I have spent many years all encompassed with drums and many years where I couldn't look at them. You'll know when the right season hits to come back. Dealing with family issues, death, sickness, et al, is very difficult and you must do the right thing for you. We'll wait for you, brother. All the best!


Very well Known Member
Jul 4, 2020
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As hard as it may be at times to care for sick/dying relatives, there are moments of grace and absolute beauty sprinkled in between the frustration, the pain, the sadness and the exhaustion. Grace and beauty that you would not get to experience otherwise.

I lost both my parents pretty young (Dad: 53, heart attack. Mom: 55, pulmonary fibrosis). Some of the best moments of my life happened while caring for them, juxtaposed with the worst. Such is the infinite weirdness of life...

Things got pretty quick with my dad, he had his first attack, went to surgery, stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks and died a week later upon his premature return home. Things took a bit more time with my Mom, as she got placed on a transplant waiting list, so I saw her condition degrade over maybe 2 and a half years. Seeing your parents in a position of vulnerability and suffering is truly and utterly heartbreaking. But yeah, those little moments of complete honesty and humanity, they made the pill somewhat easier to swallow.

I cannot imagine how hard it must be to deal with AD, dementia and other very slow degenerative diseases. You, like every selfless samaritan who do, have all my admiration and respect.

Don't worry for neglecting the drums for a bit. Music is the most forgiving, understanding and generous mistress: she'll always take you back with open arms, no matter how long you make her wait.


DFO Star
Gold Supporting Member
Feb 14, 2011
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SF Bay Area
In case it matters to anyone, my mother’s ill, my dad is losing his marbles and my poor wife has been dealing with pain management issues. Really need the house quieter in consideration of her. Just need to get my lazy rear end to the drum room, throw on mesh heads and the L80’s. But I have been too busy at my job(s) to do that and my escape is now a 5 month huff’n’puff hockey league where I play goal with very talented people over 50 mostly (with a few youngsters thrown in to make us feel old). Just ain’t feeling drums at the moment. I know that they will patiently wait for me.
Hey Dumpy, just so ya know, you're not alone with that. I've been dealing with another version of the same thing over the last 12+ months. Some "names were changed to protect the innocent" but we all read a script that's not too different. I had and still have health challenges that I'm overcoming for the better (mostly) and so did my Mom. In a way, it's a wonder that she and I both pulled through, but here we are.

I'd have to call it the most difficult year of my life so far, and many other things happened that I wasn't prepared for to make it even more of a challenge. And many of them are ongoing. I can relate to the real stuff people share here and I try to help if I can. It was never all about drums and gear in the first place. That's not the real plot.

Like others have said, your drums ain't going anywhere. When you're ready, they're ready and by posting the thread, it shows that your head and heart are in the right place. Family is only here this one time around, even if you don't choose them, you learn to love and accept them in most cases, and that teaches you how it's done in the rest of life. Having friends and family we can learn that from is a gift that not all are given. We should all be so fortunate.