What is it with lads?

Spooky

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Hi, being the only female in my band ( every time so far!)
I don’t understand why feel I don’t get taken serious sometimes..
Out of the 5 of us, two of the guys are cool one is a bit of a control freak and the other is up this Ones ****
I think I’m pretty easy going, and only speak up when I something Needs saying, but I feel I get ignored by the control freak, and his no 1 fan..
Is that just a male thing?

I know I am in the minority in here And most of you are males, but I haven’t ever felt this from anyone on here, I have always Felt I’ve been treated as an equal..
Vent over
Not leaving the band or anything, but happy making my own music during lockdown!!
Opinions please.
spooky
 

equipmentdork

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Opinion:
1. Musicians are strange, strange, strange people.
2. Bands feel like marriages. Mind you, I only play with one female band member out of all my bands, but there's still a certain "walk on eggshells" that must be done with certain egos and the "approach" is everything.
3. Gender bias is real, at least in my opinion, where guys can be unfeeling cavemen and women looked down upon for being emotional, even if no more so than the guys.

I have zero problem working with a female. The last album I did, which got released just as CoVid happened, was mixed and engineered mostly by a female. Apart from not joking in a way "the guys" would, it was precisely the same experience.

People need to grow up about all this.

Edit: No less than Motley Crue had a female drummer for a time.

Dan
 
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jb78

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Hi there - As a male, I recognize I’m not the best person to opine on your experience. Women have always been disgustingly marginalized in male dominated fields. I would imagine your experience is very common for musicians who are female. You keep doing your thing and it will keep changing.
 

Nacci

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When someone is not listening then you have to make them listen.

Issues like this need to be addressed on the spot. Next time you are in this situation; you are attempting to speak and are being ignored, stop the whole conversation on the spot. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, hold on. Listen to me. Wait until everyone has stoped what they are doing a looking right at you then address the culprit saying “I’m done with you ignoring me, from now on I’m going to have my say or you’ll be finding another drummer. Are we clear?

Make them say yes.

If they don’t stop or listen then get up and walk out.

If you want people to take you serious then you have to let them know that you are not playing games.
 

yetanotherdrummer

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I have been a man all of life :D,but in bands I have been treated the same way. I tend to be quiet and let my drums do the talking, but it seems that there is ALWAYS one egomaniac, control freak, etc. in every band I have been in.

So people really think that they are the "star" of the band, and the rest of you are just there to serve them.
 

bongomania

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Women have been battling for respect from male artists for most of recorded history. I know (and know of) many women whose careers were squashed by men, or where the constant drain of dealing with the BS was enough to drain away any enjoyment in being a musician. I know of several very talented women artists who are regularly described as “crazy” by the men who worked with them, but where you ask the women and they talk about enduring ridiculous amounts of abuse, and then being labeled “crazy” when they complain about being abused. For all the successful women artists you see, those are the ones who managed to keep going and put a smile on in spite of the constant harassment and disrespect.
 

pwc1141

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In my time, I have worked with many who were true princes and princesses in every way but have also worked with some prima donnas of both sexes. In the end, it has never helped to make excuses for those who are not contributing positive vibes and the only thing to do in my personal opinion is to move on and find people who are better suited to a harmonious band. Music needs to be fun with nice people regardless of gender. Full stop. Emotion vampires don't deserve to be in band.
 
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GiveMeYourSmallestSticks!

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Not sure it's down to being lads, though I have no doubt there are plenty of women who have been put through plenty of BS by male musicians. I think there are just a lot of egomaniacal, hyper-critical, self-centred and self-obsessed musicians out there who have no problem getting cocky, preachy and critical when they feel the need. It usually seems to come from a place of extreme insecurity, or as Rich K. suggests, perhaps a crush combined with extreme insecurity.

Used to play music with another man who acted this way, and it turned out he had a crush on me. Not into lads though...
 

Stickclick

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As a drummer nobody really listens to me anyway. As long as I play a beat that fits the song then I'm OK.

I know what you mean. Some musicians are controllers. I don't really mind that as long as they are managing the band, getting us gigs and business.
 

Tmcfour

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Quote from my band leader who is female "Boys are dumb." Haha.
Seriously though, I feel like bands are sometimes made up this way regardless of genders involved. Remember what you bring to the band and don't back down when you believe in something. If you feel like all creativity is never coming from you, well then you have a choice to make. Before it come to that though, have the hard conversation. Communication is always key and being in a band (as you well know, you aren't a novice by any means)is like a 4 or 5 way marriage at times.
 

TheBeachBoy

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My initial thought was that lots of this is due to age, but then again I know men my age and older who act like this. Musicians and egos go together like traffic and weather. In his mind you're *just* the drummer, you're the youngest in the group (if I remember correctly), and since you're the only girl I think he feels justified in thinking he knows more. Obviously none of those factors should matter but it sounds like it does to him. Also, being a control freak sounds like it could be an insecurity he's dealing with. There may be something going that's out of his control, so he does what he can to maintain his control.
 

Drumstickdude

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I just think we have to be strong minded and thick skinned to survive in the music biz. Then again these charactere exist everywhere. By the way, I see your in Yorkshire -not that far from me I live in Darlington ( Durham) . :angel3:
 

moodman

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This prejudice has always existed for drummers, in my 59 years of playing. To get a tune on the list, make arrangement suggestions, be taken seriously as having some musical authority,etc. I've worked for and with female musicians with no gender bias happening but, I suspect there's plenty of situations where that is not the case.
Generally I've found that the better the players, the less they buy into stereotypes and rather, view players, of all instruments, equally.
 
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