What would you do?

Bob Salvati

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2019
Messages
86
Reaction score
28
Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
 
Last edited:

wayne

DFO Veteran
Joined
Aug 9, 2016
Messages
1,702
Reaction score
476
Location
canada
What i would do and what you will probably do are likely to be very different, but it sounds like you may have to take up darts, or buy a tiny little e kit...good luck.
 

DrummerJustLikeDad

That's Me, The Silent Son
Joined
Mar 16, 2018
Messages
1,301
Reaction score
2,030
Location
Drumline in the Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging
First of all, I'm really sorry that you don't seem to have understanding over something you identify with so strongly and which means so much. That's a very difficult position you've been put in.

If finding peace with yourself is something you desire out of this, then that at least is still yours to have, because even when we're not able to control our circumstances, we can still have control over our attitudes. It's in that spirit that I share the following.

When I was in my late 20s I started realizing something about where my ambitions were taking me, versus what life tells us we should be able to expect, and I coined this conclusion:

"You really CAN have it all. You just can't have it all at the same time."

Life moves in seasons. The life well-lived is not the one in which every day is stuffed with every single thing we ever loved. The life well-lived is the one in which everything we love eventually finds its way to us and is enjoyed in its season, during a period in which we are able to give it our very best. Then as life happens we leave it behind, but not without moving on to the next joy. Soon, we find we've culminated a life of fantastic memories built on a series of many loves, many ambitions, many joys, all of which were able to enjoy our full, undivided attention, each in its time.

Good luck.
 

Matched Gripper

DFO Veteran
Joined
May 28, 2019
Messages
2,294
Reaction score
2,022
Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patients for them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
A question if I may. You’ve been playing for 55 years. It’s your main love, as you put it. Why does your wife have no idea how important drumming is to you? It seems that she should know this by now. In any event, it also seems that the first step should be to communicate that to her in no uncertain terms.
 

Sinclair

DFO Veteran
Joined
Feb 17, 2010
Messages
1,596
Reaction score
1,977
Location
Los Angeles
DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!!!...unless you're set for life and have money to buy another one after RVing. Instead rent an RV, plan a cool adventure for a few weeks or a month whatever, to see how you (she) likes it. You'll both find out if you even enjoy the lifestyle without sacrificing the place you call home. INSIST on this trial trip first.

A question if I may. Why does your wife have no idea how important drumming is to you? It seems that the first step should be to communicate that to her.
Something tells me that ship has sailed. Trying to keep a volatile woman "happy" can be a tightrope act.
 
Last edited:

Bob Salvati

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2019
Messages
86
Reaction score
28
DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!!!...unless you're set for life and have money to buy another one after RVing. Instead rent an RV, plan a cool adventure for a few weeks or a month whatever, to see how you (she) likes it. You'll both find out if you even enjoy the lifestyle without sacrificing the place you call home. INSIST on this trial trip first.


Something tells me that ship has sailed. Trying to keep a volatile woman "happy" can be a tightrope act.
We already have a pick-up and a fifth wheel. It has as much room as most motor coaches.We spent several winters snow birding in Arizona for 4 months at a time and after that time we were SO ready for our house.
 

Sinclair

DFO Veteran
Joined
Feb 17, 2010
Messages
1,596
Reaction score
1,977
Location
Los Angeles
We spent several winters snow birding in Arizona for 4 months at a time and after that time we were SO ready for our house.
...and yet she's ready to sell it in a year and live in an RV for who knows how long? That's nice but what about after that...ya know when you want to play drums again?
 

JDA

DFO Star
Silver Supporting Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2005
Messages
23,464
Reaction score
12,410
Location
Jeannette, Pa.
Take the drums with you; plenty of room to play in RV parks

A fishing boat carrying a coffin was being pulled in a funeral procession.
One of the bystanders remarked, "That guy must have been an avid fisherman."
Another mourner replied, "Oh he still is! In fact, he's heading to the lake right after we bury his wife."
 
Last edited:

fenrir

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
117
Reaction score
165
I bought a converted horsebox van in November as me and my partner wanted to travel and find a place to live. We found the perfect place before embarking upon the adventure and sold the van.

My solution to living in close proximity to neighbours over the last ten years (after spending the majority of my life in places where I could play kit) has been to take up tabla, frame drums and tombak and these were all going to be coming with us on the van.

You love rhythm and the therapeutic aspect of playing - all of that can be satisfied with any percussion instrument. The learning curve is steep but if you just focussed on an instrument like that whilst on the road you'd become very good.
 

MrDrums2112

"Normal" Drummer
Joined
Apr 23, 2012
Messages
4,715
Reaction score
1,185
Location
CT
I am a very lucky man - my wife knows that drums are part of the package with me. She understands how important they are to me. A couple of years ago, I went through a major bout with depression and anxiety. My wife knew something was very wrong because during that period I stopped playing my drums. Because of that, she was able to get me the help I needed to get through that very rough patch. IMO, you need to be very honest with your wife. Her happiness is obviously very important to you. Yours should be important to her as well. Hope you are able to work things out.
 

Skeet6

Well-Known Member
Silver Supporting Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2006
Messages
323
Reaction score
303
Location
Dingmans Ferry, PA
Sounds like you would be better served by speaking to your wife, and not us. In fact... counseling might be in your future. With you and her being this far apart on a major life decision - nothing good will come without some serious work on your relationship.
Mike B
 

amosguy

DFO Master
Gold Supporting Member
Joined
Aug 5, 2005
Messages
4,698
Reaction score
1,041
Location
Redmond, WA
We already have a pick-up and a fifth wheel. It has as much room as most motor coaches.We spent several winters snow birding in Arizona for 4 months at a time and after that time we were SO ready for our house.
Without getting into the relationship questions raised, a 5th wheel means you have a smaller vehicle to drive while the trailer is parked somewhere. A RV means you have to use it to go anywhere at all. Different animal in the long run. As others have said, rent one for long term trip and notice the difference in convenience from 5th wheel.

Don't sell the house first in any case.
 


Top