What would you do?

dtk

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I'll jump on with everyone else...communicate with her and do a trial 1st.

That she has no hobbies/patience frankly scares me...moving from place to place in an RV sounds like a hobby...

I wish you the best brother....
 

Polska

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Playing devil's advocate, I'd ask myself "At this point in my life am I ready for this change? For something drastically different."

As I nudge closer towards retirement I think Ill still be playing in my mid and late 60's. But what if an opportunity came up for us to say, retire and move to a condo or small home in California? I may say "Let's do it. Let's change everything for a new chapter in life". Now that may not come to be, but it's a possibility. I dont make a living playing, and while I love it I don't know. I cant say I wouldnt jump at an attractive (to both of us) lifestyle change. Chuck it all and start again. It has its appeal to me, though I imagine I'll be 65, trudging through snow and loading drums in my car during 20 degree winters. Just food for thought.
 

mikesdrums

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Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
Sounds like not being able to play drums is a red herring. The only real problem here is that your wife wants to undertake a major change in the way you both live your lives, and you don't want to do it. You're open to compromise. She's not, saying it's her way or the highway (actually, I guess in this case her way is the highway). If I'm right, and I'm usually not, you're just using the drums as an excuse for not going along with your wife's new plan for your life. Even if your instrument was the harmonica, you still wouldn't want to go to the extreme of becoming houseless.


She's been with you 55 years and doesn't know what's important to you? Or chooses to act as if what is important to you but of no import overall? Something is not passing the smell test.
He said he's been playing drums for 55 years. He didn't say how long he's been married. I'm guessing this is a fairly recent marriage and his wife is young and good looking. Why else would a drummer marry someone with sound sensitivity issues?
 

drummingbulldog

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You have managed to be married & play drums for 55 years. If it's something you love then get her some noise canceling headphones. Done! I've been playing almost 40 years & I love my wife more than anything but I wouldn't stop playing for anything. It's part of who I am. She shouldn't expect you to give up drumming.
 

Phantomlimb777

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This doesn’t sound like something you want to do. I would communicate your feelings, and hope that she has the empathy to hear you out.
She’s gonna have to get used to rattles and all kinds of noise if you guys are going to be living in constant close proximity like you’re describing.
The trial run is going to be crucial, as is her reaction to you discussing it. Therapy is great.

Godspeed.
 

Sinclair

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True or false. Please answer to the best of your ability.
Anyone can play.

1) You do not have children with this woman
2) You do not have pets with this woman
3) This is not your first marriage
4) This is her first marriage
5) She is not a childhood sweetheart
6) You met on a drum forum
7) You met in a bar
8) She loves it when you spend all day at the mall with her
9) She has no siblings
10) She's obsessively cleaning
11) She rarely hangs out with her girlfriends
12) Her taste in movies is polar opposite to yours
13) She's never watched the Godfather, Scarface, Casino or Goodfellas
14) You have to explain your jokes to her
Extra credit:
15) She's the love of your life and you'd do anything to make her happy

*Disclaimer: This questionnaire is not intended to help with personnel relationship issues of any kind and is intended for entertainment purposes only. It is not sanctioned by any mental health organizations nor should its outcome be construed as beneficial in any way. Answer at your owe risk. Thank you.
 
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lossforgain

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Sounds like you would be better served by speaking to your wife, and not us. In fact... counseling might be in your future. With you and her being this far apart on a major life decision - nothing good will come without some serious work on your relationship.
Mike B
This is pretty much what I was thinking. You got some great advice about communication and doing a trial run. It really does seem like this is a more fundamental issue than just your living arrangement or your ability to play drums or not. Marriage is made up of two people and all their baggage and expectations. Marriage is tough when we hold our partner up to our expectations, because most likely they aren't going to measure up. That changes over time as we communicate and learn what drives one another's expectations, and what's realistic given the tendencies, faults, and motivations of our partner. Can you tell I'm speaking from experience? My marriage has been to the extreme lows and the high highs. I'm really glad we stuck with it and did the hard work.
 

FloydZKing

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Sure, the full-time RV life is great...

...if you love hanging around parking lots and losing $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
 

Dumpy

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Dude, all I know is that I have been married twice. The first one got me away from drums and I eventually got away from her. Wife number two has been a SAINT, despite my mid-life crisis I had ten years ago. Wife number two has been thoroughly supportive, much more than I deserve. I got the catch of the century.

All I can do is wish you well. Do whatever you need to find peace with this situation and however it goes. About five or six said “communication”. May you be blessed in which ever way your path leads.
 

mtarrani

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One way to cope is to either grab one of those bikini kits like the Tama Club-Jam Mini (if your playing style can make do with it), or just keep your stick bag and go to the Musicians topic area in craigslist for the destinations you have planned and check for open mics, jams, etc. If there are none listed, post a query a few weeks in advance of your arrival asking about jams or if there is any interest in jamming with a transient (you) who will be in the area during a specific time frame. Also, don't forget to list the styles and genres that you play and your influences.
 

Sinclair

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True or false. Please answer to the best of your ability.
Anyone can play.

1) You do not have children with this woman
2) You do not have pets with this woman
3) This is not your first marriage
4) This is her first marriage
5) She is not a childhood sweetheart
6) You met on a drum forum
7) You met in a bar
8) She loves it when you spend all day at the mall with her
9) She has no siblings
10) She's obsessively cleaning
11) She rarely hangs out with her girlfriends
12) Her taste in movies is polar opposite to yours
13) She's never watched the Godfather, Scarface, Casino or Goodfellas
14) You have to explain your jokes to her
Extra credit:
15) She's the love of your life and you'd do anything to make her happy

*Disclaimer: This questionnaire is not intended to help with personnel relationship issues of any kind and is intended for entertainment purposes only. It is not sanctioned by any mental health organizations nor should its outcome be construed as beneficial in any way. Answer at your owe risk. Thank you.
OK I'll start.
1- F
2- F
3- T
4- F
5- T
6- F
7- T
8- F
9- F
10- F
11- T
12 - T
13- F
14- T
15- T
 

BennyK

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The road to sainthood can be steep .

One more mile ....

Amen
 
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Houndog

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No hobbies huh ? I’ve said many times , I just can’t imagine someone living a fulfilling life without hobbies .
I bet most of us have at least one other hobby besides drums . Not that drums are a hobby but .....
Is she a couch potato ?
What in the heck do y’all talk about ?
And what are y’all going to do at the campgrounds ???
I couldn’t imagine a worse life ....
Good luck ....
 


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