What would you do?

Dirtgeo

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Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
Hah. I did not know my wife had a second husband! I just play anyway and tone down as much as I can. Maybe you could find a small electronic set that you could set up outside the RV once in awhile and play with headphones.
 

WILLIAM MANSELL

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Roland V-Drums aren’t nearly as loud as acoustic drums. They’re very popular among apartment dwellers. I had a set for years in Japan. Pipe in your favorite music and play along under headphones. You can play with a different great band every night!
 

Sammybear

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If she were Mrs. Potato Head you could take the ears off while you play and then put them back on. Same with the lips. If that fails, compromise.
 

Bob Salvati

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I guarantee the RV thing will not last forever. It sounds exciting but tge confines and the daily routines will gave an effect. So compromise do the RV thing with stipulation that when the newness wears off you get a house. Put the drums in AC storage.
We already have a pick-up and a fifth wheel, so why could’nt we keep the house and use what we have to tool around? That’s what we originally planned and still may wind up doing. Then she switched her mind.
 

Bob Salvati

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Your wife could have a medical issue, from hyper-sensitive hearing, to depression and anxiety, that are the cause of those reactions to noise. You might need to seek the counsel of your own doctor on how to convince her to seek treatment.
No, if I tap my fingers she goe’s ballistic. She’s got no rhythm. She think’s music is all about the lyric’s.
 

Tornado

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Then she switched her mind.
So what? That doesn't matter at all. You aren't selling your house unless you also want to sell your house. The answer is just no. You can move on now.
 

Bob Salvati

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I guarantee the RV thing will not last forever. It sounds exciting but tge confines and the daily routines will gave an effect. So compromise do the RV thing with stipulation that when the newness wears off you get a house. Put the drums in AC storage.
Right. It’s like living in a U-boat. “Who’s the U-boat commanda.” Risky Business.
 

Bob Salvati

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Roland V-Drums aren’t nearly as loud as acoustic drums. They’re very popular among apartment dwellers. I had a set for years in Japan. Pipe in your favorite music and play along under headphones. You can play with a different great band every night!
Yeah but they still make noise. The tapping on the pads would drive her ballistic, believe me.
 

MidiFinger

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Beautiful women are an endless resource... Guess I'm lucky, my wife says she likes the way I play drums... and I play LOUDLY.
 

folivio

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Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
Get a Toy Hauler RV. Your kit can go where the ATVs would go.
 

David M Scott

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Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
I'm aware of several sites to sell used equipment but I haven't run across one for used wives..
Time for a counsellor as I suspect there's more than drum noise behind her anger. I was married 57 years and 30 years in I needed a kick in the butt as I was not really being a good partner even though I thought "no one had empathy for me and I was the victim." Don't let this fester, get on it now.. take it from a guy who's been through the scenario !
 

Classic Drummer

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Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
I'd miss her. (Sorry couldn't pass up that classic set up.)
 

StewartCropeland

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A marriage is a partnership. The time to use any leverage you have is now.

You love drums; she's a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) who doesn't. If the RV plan she desires is going to work, you'll have to agree on a drum outlet that works for both of you, and it'll involve compromising. Maybe you spend to keep your kit in a practice space that's in a locale you know you'll be in regularly. Maybe you get a quality electronic kit (I know this doesn't work for all styles or people) and have an agreement on how much time you'll play per week (which may be the same amount of time she goes on walks!) Maybe you pare down your kit to a cocktail set, even though it still means having half the space for clothes in the RV, or taking over the breakfast nook; break it out when your wife is showering or at the store or visiting RV park neighbors. You can work something out!

Travelling full-time with someone in a confined space always involves compromise. You'll really want to agree on expectations before you begin this journey! The questions are as much for her as for you -- in order to do this, you'll need her to figure out how to accommodate your drumming time. What are her suggestions? You can do it!
 

fusseltier

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Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
get a Roland vdrums set. I saw a mint td-6kv on ebay really cheap, or get a td-7, or a new td-07kv.
i still use my td-6kv i bought new in like 2003. it's a great little set. you can fold it practically flat.
the td-7 looks similar, black rubber pads, but the td-07kv has mesh heads. it's up to you which type pads you want to have. the mesh have more bounce or rebound and less effort to play than the rubber heads.
 

cruddola

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Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
Condolences on your misery. Your wife DOES know how important drumming is to you! It's a building process she's developed with time. Stop denying it, she knows and is playing you like a tap on Gregory Hine's heel. I made drumming my first and only love! My camera gear is second. Never had the inclination to gamble over half of my crap to a stinking alimony/child-support theft in getting married or not true living together. Got 66 years single and free. I've turned down the greatest examples of wholesome women God ever created. Their images still burned into what's left of my brain. Never a regret. One can't miss what they've never had. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a 'player'. Never smoked, did booze or even smoked a joint in my life. Aspirin's the toughest drug I've taken. Music's too important. Too old and stupid for that now. Never a gawdaful kid and never a loan of any kind. I can understand why a married guy'd find satisfaction from a bottle of Viagra and that frigging knothole on the neighbor's fence instead. Having to raise my youngest brother since I was six caused my opinion here. Our mom was a junkie. We saw my oldest brother crash and burn and because of that us remaining three brothers and two sisters never played that music soul-killing game. Like my parents, my brother proved that both ends of the marriage stick are crappy. Not happening. For decades he's had the keys to come to my place so he can play his trumpet. They're kept here. Pisses her off to the point I need an appointment to visit. I've dared his wife to even bring up the subject of him being with someone else. Marriage? Same goes for that not true 'living together', out of the question. Hell no! Marriage/living together is the Devil's game. All of us made music our first love and still do. Get her on a drug habit! Stick an icepick in each of her ears when she's asleep. What made you marry her? Yikes! Buy the friggin RV for yourself, dump the kids 18 and over and LEAVE! Tell them she's earned it for them! Go, go GO!! The Emancipation Proclamation allows it. LET FREEDOM RING!
 
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Cauldronics

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I know what's happening, but it might not be appropriate to say it out loud. This is not a drumming issue, it's an issue of interdependency. You both set it up that way and here it is, making you question throwing away your main passion.

I could go a lot deeper, but I don't think it's my business or that of anyone else here. You both need to see a marriage counselor.
 


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