What would you do?

Sinclair

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Look!...lay down the law! Give her an ultimatum.
"Listen here honey, I love you but either we sell the house, take the trip you want and I give up drumming, or we keep the house, go wherever you want and I give up drumming!! Make up your damn mind.
 
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michaelocalypse

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Holy relationship red flags Batman!

I don't want to play counselor, so I won't, but either you saw this coming eventually and ignored it, or she's been a really good liar the whole time. The recent switch from keeping the house to needlessly selling everything is an ultimatum. Time to figure out which potential future path your life will have is the least worst.
 

moondrum

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Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s
Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
One thing I’ve found in relationships is a partner should be happy with something that brings you joy,wouldn’t you do the same for her?. I’ve been playing professionally for over 43 years and have noticed guys coming up to me after a gig saying “wow, I use to play the drums and my wife made me give them up.”They always regretted the decision! As someone here said if a car rattle upsets her you’ll probably have rattles in the RV too. Also as someone else said , maybe rent an RV first and see how you like it. Don’t give up what makes you happy! Maybe see a couples counseling too. Good Luck!
do? Advice please!
Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’s do? Advice please!
 

superclassic

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I've played drums since 1964...almost 60 years? Married 47 years. I'm also a psychologist. I think those who have recommended talking to your wife about this important issue are on the right track. Then perhaps counseling if that doesn't get you to a solution you both can live with. Find a good, seasoned therapist you both like and trust. A third person's ear can be helpful. Marriages require give and take. You can't sweep this under the rug. Also, it seems wise not to sell your house until you've gone RV'ing for at least a year. Good luck.
 
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Hey guy’s, I need some advice. I’ve been playing drum’s for 55yrs. It’s my main love... besides my wife. She absolutely hates it. She has no tolerance for ANY kind of noise. If there’s a little rattle in the car, we have to stop and fix it. Things like this. So today she had the idea in about one year selling the house and going RV full time. You KNOW what this means. NO drums. She has no idea how important this is to me. She’s highly pissed now. She has NO hobbies at all. Literally she has’nt got the patience or them. If we went full time RVing and we had a home base it would be okay, and in the past we talked about it. Now no home base. What would you guy’srte do? Advice please!
time to put your foot down. No RV unless there is an accommodation for drums. Electronic kit with headphones maybe - but she has to commit to never complaining about the Tip-petty tap tap etc

but then you have to stand your ground

the only way there’s a yes to the RV is the above.

otherwise - tell her to drop the RV dream cuz you’re not ok with it
 

ppfd

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Bob,
you have a 5th wheel and obviously a nice truck to pull it. Why do you need to get rid of this set up?
Boats and campers loose value quick don’t they? Then you need to pull a small vehicle to use when you get somewhere right?

I don’t know your financials, but this seems like a lose of money doing something like this.
You definitely need a moderator to figure out the future.
 

Paistekid

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What would I do? Hehehe. I'd get rid of the wife.
My thought exactly! If you’ve been playing the drums for 55yrs and still have much passion for it the union between you and the drums is obviously longer than your marriage…I would do the math but it boils down to what‘s more important to you. It may be cruel to say but that time will come where you have to pick! All the best to u
 

5 Style

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Well... I'm thinking of one friend who's a trumpet player and who's wife had no patience at all for his practicing. They finally separated and the guy is now living in his own condo... and couldn't be happier. Frankly, I would question my future with a person who has so little tolerance for what one of my primary life passions is. if it were possible to come to agreement about, when, where and for how long practice would be OK that would be one thing, but a zero tolerance policy quite another...

Otherwise, you could take the opportunity to learn some other instrument. I play a bit of bass and though I haven't gotten very far with it thus far, I can say it is kind of nice to be able to come at the music from a different perspective (melodically and harmonically) and learning something new can be a nice challenge. A guitar, keyboard or bass is something that you can plug into an amp and monitor with headphones, so it's quieter than any kind of drum, including electronic drums. Electronic drums still make a pretty audible "thump" even if you're not hearing the amplified signal. Personally, I find playing those things to be so unsatisfying that I would prefer to start out from zero with another instrument than to bother playing them. There's lots of books and of course YouTube video kinds of stuff to get you started with any other instrument that you may care to play... and you might find that you can learn a lot by ear as well.
 

Bob Salvati

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Well... I'm thinking of one friend who's a trumpet player and who's wife had no patience at all for his practicing. They finally separated and the guy is now living in his own condo... and couldn't be happier. Frankly, I would question my future with a person who has so little tolerance for what one of my primary life passions is. if it were possible to come to agreement about, when, where and for how long practice would be OK that would be one thing, but a zero tolerance policy quite another...

Otherwise, you could take the opportunity to learn some other instrument. I play a bit of bass and though I haven't gotten very far with it thus far, I can say it is kind of nice to be able to come at the music from a different perspective (melodically and harmonically) and learning something new can be a nice challenge. A guitar, keyboard or bass is something that you can plug into an amp and monitor with headphones, so it's quieter than any kind of drum, including electronic drums. Electronic drums still make a pretty audible "thump" even if you're not hearing the amplified signal. Personally, I find playing those things to be so unsatisfying that I would prefer to start out from zero with another instrument than to bother playing them. There's lots of books and of course YouTube video kinds of stuff to get you started with any other instrument that you may care to play... and you might find that you can learn a lot by ear as well.
Acoustic drums forever!
 

Bob Salvati

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I've played drums since 1964...almost 60 years? Married 47 years. I'm also a psychologist. I think those who have recommended talking to your wife about this important issue are on the right track. Then perhaps counseling if that doesn't get you to a solution you both can live with. Find a good, seasoned therapist you both like and trust. A third person's ear can be helpful. Marriages require give and take. You can't sweep this under the rug. Also, it seems wise not to sell your house until you've gone RV'ing for at least a year. Good luck.
Have gone snow birding in Arizona 4 months each winter for 4 yrs. Most I think we can BOTH do is 2 months. Even though it’s 36ft long with 3 slide outs it’s still just too small. Nothing beats living in a spacious house. Like living in a u-boat, rving is.I’ve been thinking about maybe getting a new manufactured home. Set up in a nice park. It would be home base for not a lot of $. Long as it’s nice and new. When we get tired of rving we could head “ home” for awhile. She just can’t understand why I can’t give up drums. Like I said before she has no real passions of her own... besides getting a motor home and living in it. I tried to get her to learn an instrument. Her words “ I don’t have the patience”. She’s unbelievibly smart. But I think we’re getting all of this figured out now. We’ve seen the light? Hope so. Thank’s for your advice.
 
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Bob Salvati

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Bob,
you have a 5th wheel and obviously a nice truck to pull it. Why do you need to get rid of this set up?
Boats and campers loose value quick don’t they? Then you need to pull a small vehicle to use when you get somewhere right?

I don’t know your financials, but this seems like a lose of money doing something like this.
You definitely need a moderator to figure out the future.
Exactly!!
 

Elvis

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Bob Salvati,

Just out of curiosity, are you already using Remo Silent Stroke heads and Zildjian L80 cymbals on your kit?


...also, has your wife ever shown any interest in flowers and/or gardening?
 
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Bob Salvati

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Bob Salvati,

Just out of curiosity, are you already using Remo Silent Stroke heads and Zildjian L80 cymbals on your kit?


...also, has your wife ever shown any interest in flowers and/or gardening?
Interesting.
 

Bob Salvati

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...you're welcome.
Yeah, the main problem is the house/motor home thing. My drum room is draped with acoustic sound blankets that lowers noticeable volume by 75%. ( recorded myself with and without blankets) But I like the silent stroke idea. Thanks again!
 

Elvis

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Yeah, the main problem is the house/motor home thing. My drum room is draped with acoustic sound blankets that lowers noticeable volume by 75%. ( recorded myself with and without blankets) But I like the silent stroke idea. Thanks again!
Don't forget the L80 cymbals, too.
I'll have to search out 'acoustic sound blankets".
New to me (or at least not coming to mind right now).
So thank you for that one. :thumbright:
 

Bob Salvati

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Don't forget the L80 cymbals, too.
I'll have to search out 'acoustic sound blankets".
New to me (or at least not coming to mind right now).
So thank you for that one. :thumbright:
Check out “Vocal Booth.Com”. These are heavy. I’ve got 8’ high x 6’ wide. Covers ceiling to floor. And one door sized blanket. Applied to the 2 walls facing in the house. Might get a couple for the outside wall. That will cover up the window though. Yikes! But bet the neighbors would appreciate it. As I said they’re heavy. Feels like there’s a sheet of steel in them! Think each one weighs 10+ lbs. I recommend them. Good luck!
 


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