When should you quit a band?

vintagedrumjunky

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When should you quit a band? I pose this question to anyone who has hung in there for as long as you could, maybe longer than you should have. I have been with a blues band for 8 years now, for the most part, it has been fun, but for the last couple of years, I have felt, at times, this strong feeling of boredom and disatisfaction. 50-70% of the set list has remained the same through this period. Also, up until a couple of years ago, the guitar player (leader) and harmonica player were married. The guitar player ended up having an affair, which led to the exodus of the harp player, and resulting in a new relationship developing between the guitarist and his mistress. Right around the same time, our original bass player was dismissed for a flimsy reason. Ever since, I have felt lost and guilty because the bass player and harmonica player are my friends. I chose to stay with the guitar player for economic reasons, this is where the guilt comes into play. Every weekend the guitar players new girlfriend shows up to the gigs. Each time I show up to a gig there is this constant reminder of how things went down. So, along with the boredom, there are disenchanted feelings, a lack of respect, and bitterness towards the guitar player and his girlfriend. I am at the end of my rope, i can't ignore my feelings anymore. I plan on quitting the band, but do have some insecurities I am grappling with, like loosing the extra income, and also finding another working situation, in light of the economy. I appreciate you hearing me out on this one.
 

BrianOwens

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Sounds like it is in the midst of disintegration now so you either wait for it to implode or leave before that happens. It is never an easy decision. My feeling would be to put out your feelers for another project! Good Luck
 

drummer5359

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I've belong too the "hung in their too long" club in the past and when it stops being fun, it's hard to stay motivated.

You have to weigh your feelings regarding the guitar player (Who seems like a bonehead) and whether the extra money is more important than your happiness in the band.
 

snardxpop

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8 years is a long time, so consider it like you put your time in. a new band might be the perfect thing to get you going again. :)
 

tommykat1

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It's easier to get a job when you already have a job, so put the feelers out now. Otherwise, it's definitely time to say "Exit, stage right."

How about starting a band with your friends, the other players mentioned?
 

atomicdave

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money is the necessary evil of life, but sounds like dramaclub is over for you...(couples in a band togethor DOES NOT work!) If you are in a band with your lifemate/partner..YIKES! Sounds like you need some downhome MUSICIANS to play with ! Are you really making THAT MUCH dough? Any pros care to chime in about themsleves or acquaintainces? I make fairly close to $0, there are gigs were i get $20, sometimes $100, sometimes food and drink, but ALWAYS a good time playin' music with my friends....which is priceless!
 

bermuda

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Given that few bands are 100% satisfactory, there's always a certain amount of concessions we make and must live with. For example, just being bored with the songs or playing the same gig week after week may drive you crazy, but shouldn't drive you out of the band.

But if being in this is absolutely killing you and sucking out your soul, and it sounds like you're nearing that point, then it's time to leave. Remember, drums are part of your life, not your entire reason for living. You come first.

Bermuda
 

OldSchool2

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Sounds like way too much drama for me! You can't put a price tag on one's peace of mind. It's obviously a personal decision and, in your case, certainly sounds like an important one. However, I would have a very hard time playing in a band in which I don't have any say in the "vision" or "mission" of the group, including the song choices. To me, once it stops being fun and the passion is gone I tend to move on.

:occasion5: Best of luck in whatever you decide.
 

SteadyEddie

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I would never quit a band where I was getting paid to play the drums. Only when the money got funny did I exit.
 

onemat

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If you're asking you probably already know the answer in your gut. When I got back into playing at the tender age of 46, I was in a blues band. The music was pretty good, but the two principles were the biggest druggie alcoholic a-holes. The were abusive, racist and a host of other things. I stayed 11 months because I was afraid no one would have me. Huge mistake, but I learned from it.
Matt
 

johnlamond

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Time to quit. I was in a band for 11 years with some very nice people but it ended up being about five years longer than it should have been. Once I left this band, my whole world opened up as far as playing opportunities. Other things await you.
 

DrumminLefty

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I've been in similar band situations several times. It doesn't sound like a good vibe will ever come back for you with these players. Its hard to disconnect emotionally,but if you can treat the band like a job and little else,you could stay while looking elsewhere. Decent paying gigs are not easy to find at this time. I think they are taking advantage,after eight years, of the stability and consistency YOU bring to the band. Good luck Vince.
 

vintagedrumjunky

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Thank you guys very much, I value your insight and wisdom. This is a very difficult decision for me to ponder, I have never been a quitter. However, I am not keen on self compromise either.
 

DWSlingerland45

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Absolutely time to go.... bad situation will just get worse. Don't suffer in silence, say your peace and exit. I'd definitely look up the ex band mates and start something fresh. Hope it works out, Mike
 

jptrickster

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When it stops being fun is when I quit. But music is also not my main source of income.
likewise, I quit mine after 10 yrs this past summer. I just couldn't enjoy playing la grange and Brown eyed girl for the 5000th time anymore :unsure:

I'm onto a new project now which is much better!
 


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