DRUMMER JOKES

[janeybug]

What does a drummer use for birth control?




His personality


What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool

 

[moodman]

A rushing bassist, a too-loud guitartist and a can't-count-through-a-stop singer walk into a bar.
They get onstage and ply their trade, torturing the drummer and the audience.
The bartender fires the band.
On the way out they tell some drummer jokes.

 

[Zelda]

Don't have any jokes...

But perhaps this does as drum humour?

 

[Bongo Congo]

This is a great idea! Drummers are getting way too much respect, and this is the perfect forum to bring them down a notch or two....

 

[repete]

Kid: Dad, when I grow up I want to be a Drummer!

Dad: Sorry son, you can't do both.

 

[ataboc]

two musicians and and a drummer walk into a bar...

 

[biggator]

How do you know when a drum riser is level?

When drool comes out of both sides of his mouth.

 

[Bongo Congo]

a bass player showed up for a gig with huge gauze bandages covering both his ears. The drummer says to him, "goog god1 what happened to your ears?"

the bass player says, "Oh, it's pretty silly. I was ironing my shirt and the phone rang. So I accidentally picked up the iron to answer it instead of the phone. Can you believe it? Man, I burnt the crap out of my ear."

The drummer says, "Yeah, I believe it. But what happened to the other ear?"

The bass player says: "That wasn't my fault. They called back."

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The manager asked the bass player: where do you expect to see yourself in ten years? The bass player thought about it for a minute and said, "Umm.... in a mirror, right?"

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A bass player had to book a flight to a gig in Denver from L.A. He called up the airline and asked, "How long is that flight from L.A. to Denver?" The airline clerk replied, "L.A. to Denver? Just a minute." The bass player said, "Okay, thanks." and hung up.

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A bass player and a guitarist were driving home from a gig, and the bass player said, "Hey, would you look and see if my turn signal is working?" The guitarist got out of the car and walked to the back. He called out, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

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a bass player was working in a club when suddenly a fire broke out. He ran over and dialed 911 and screamed, "The club I'm at is on fire!" The operator said, "Okay, sir, how do we get there?" The bass player said, "In a big red truck. Duh."

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[sandmanexc]

How do you get a drummer off your front porch?
Pay him for the Pizza.


What do you call a drummer when he's in a fight with his girlfriend?
Homeless


How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.


Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

 

[DSDrummer]

A drummer decided to go to a college school of music. In the placement test, the theory prof played a perfect fourth on the piano and said "what do you hear?"
The drummers, said "Hmmm... not sure. Could you play it again?"
The professor agreed and played the interval again.
The drummer still wasn't sure. "Please, play it one more time."
"Sure," said the prof, striking the same two notes again.
The drummer said,"Ah! I got it! It's... it's...a...
piano!"

 

[Thwack]

What do you call a drummer in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant...

What's the difference between a drummer and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of 4...

What's the definition of a band?
# musicians and a drummer...

 

[robdog]

What do you do if you accidentally run over a drummer?
Back up.

What do you call the part of a gig when everyone goes to the bar?
The drum solo.

 

[Drumworm]

What do you call those people that follow bands and are always hanging around... the drummer...

 

[rondrums]

Mine is both a joke and a true story. It happened back in the great night club days in my old hometown, Columbus, Ohio. The sad thing is, I can't remember the drummer's name, but he was one of the jazz drummers in town:

The band was playing "Caravan," and they let the drummer loose on a free solo. So he's playing all of this fantastic stuff, and some drunk in the audience comes up on the stand and starts whacking one of the crash cymbals with his hand.
The drummer stops playing and stares at the guy and says, "Can't you see I'm trying to create?"

Any old Columbus guys remember this story? Back in the 60's and 70's, there were literally 50 clubs with live music. Everybody worked six nights a week, year 'round. That's where I cut my teeth (I started in about 1970). I was never out of work. I miss those days, but it was hard work--five sets, 9 to 2!

 

[Wheresmyroadie?]

This one's about the drummer in Istanbul who plays in one of the most popular traditional society bands. Well versed in his native music, his dream is to be a great jazz drummer, so he saves his money and finally takes a leave of absence. He travels to NYC and spends two years studying with the best jazz instructors in the city.

He is welcomed back to his old gig and on the first night he can't wait to show the band what he has learned. He is all over the drum set, just blazing away. After the gig, he approaches the band leader and asks him what he thinks about his new expertise. The boss says: " Yeah, That's really cool, but you know, all we really need is a nice fat back beat on the 7 and 13."

 

[slinginit]

A rushing bassist, a too-loud guitartist and a can't-count-through-a-stop singer walk into a bar.
They get onstage and ply their trade, torturing the drummer and the audience.
The bartender fires the band.
On the way out they tell some drummer jokes.

That describes to a tee my former R'n'B band exactly, only substitute the bassist and singer with "horn section" and "guitarist" respectively.

 

[bermuda]

Why are drummer jokes so short?


So bass players can understand them.

 

[jmacderm]

Drummer gets a call to fill in with a Ukranian band. Takes the gig. Figures how tough can it be, music is music. Shows up for the gig and starting to feel a tad nervous. Band leader says it's pretty simple music really. Always kick on 5 and snare on 11.

 

[SwivoNut]

Two fans in the audience during a drum solo...

Guy 1: That drummer's pretty good ain't he?
Guy 2: Eh?
Guy 1: I said "the drummer's pretty good!!!"
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: THE DRUMMER IS AWESOME!!!
Guy 2: Sorry fella, I can't hear ya for the #!?&% drums!

 

[DolFan54]

The most famous joke is "What do you call a person that hangs out with musicians? A drummer!

I've alWAYs hated that joke and I now have a perfect reply to that joke!


What is the difference between a toilet and a drummer? A toilet only has to take crap from one a**hole at a time!